Dear Friends:
Passover is over. We as a Nation have left Egypt and are travelling through the Desert. We are trying to elevate ourselves to the level at which we will be worthy to receive the Torah, and we are hoping that G-d will have mercy and lift us up the rest of the way.
He has given us the mitzvah of Counting the Omer, a ladder leading upwards towards Mount Sinai.
I recently had one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
Perhaps this will sound as if it belongs more to the countdown toward Rosh Hashana than to this time of year, but where did we learn about doing teshuva (repentance) if not during the period when we were trying desperately to cleanse ourselves from the poison of our years of slavery in Egypt? How else are we supposed to be worthy of receiving the Torah? This requires tremendous soul searching and hard work. The process of repentance that should take place before Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is a necessary preparation for the atonement we hope to achieve during the Ten Days of Repentance. By the same token, the process of elevation which takes place during these days of Sefiras ha Omer is a necessary preparation for receiving the Torah on Shavuos.
In each case, it starts with honesty!
I was personally assisted by an audio version of a lecture by the remarkable Rabbi Yaakov Zev Smith Shlita”h on the Laws of Repentance and Forgiveness. Rabbi Smith emphasized that unity is a necessary prerequisite to the atonement we hope will be provided during the Ten Days of Repentance. Similarly, we know that the Jewish People were able to receive the Torah only because we stood at Mount Sinai “k’ish echad b’lev echad… as one man with one heart.” (Rashi on Exodus 19:2).
Do we understand that sinas chinom, causeless hatred among ourselves, is the cause of our present Exile? (Yoma 9b)
Do we understand the implications? I’m not so sure.
My wife helped me to understand this!
Many years ago, I made a public remark which was so insulting that the people on the receiving end never forgot what I said. And I don’t blame them! But I thought I was right! I thought I was totally justified.
My wife disagreed.
Over the intervening years the relationship between these people and me became continuously worse. We would see each other occasionally, but there was an undercurrent of tension. Sometimes more than an undercurrent. A spiritual tsunami was brewing!
Many a Yom Kippur passed without my asking forgiveness. My wife was sure that I needed to ask forgiveness, but I was stubborn. However, a prominent rabbi told me that my wife was correct.
It is well known that “sins between man and man … will never be forgiven until he appeases [his colleague].” (Bava Kama 92a; Rambam, Hilchos Teshuva 2:9). “Even if a persononly upset a colleague by saying [certain] things, he must appease him and approach him [repeatedly] until he forgives him.”
My holy chavrusa (study partner), Rabbi Moshe Grossman Shlita”h, related the story of someone who made a phone call to his friend in Monsey in the middle of the night, but accidentally dialed one wrong digit and woke up an old woman. The next day, he enlisted friends and they toiled long and hard until they figured out whom he had called in order that he should ask forgiveness for having awakened her. This exquisite sensitivity to the effects of our actions is a hallmark of the Jewish People.
Rabbi Smith noted in his lecture that part of the process of repentance is the intense embarrassment one feels when he must ask for forgiveness. Perhaps this will be a deterrent next time to upsetting one’s friend.
Once I realized I had no choice, it made the action much easier. I asked my wife to call the other person and request that I should come over. I was afraid he would be unwilling to see me. I came to his house. I said, “I made a terrible mistake and I want to ask forgiveness. I know it was a long time ago, but time has not healed the wound; rather it is becoming more and more infected.”
He arose and put his arms around me. He said, “Moichel lach, moichel lach, moichel lach,” (“I forgive you”) six of the sweetest words I have ever heard. Unless I am mistaken, tears were in his eyes. I felt at that moment that mountains of tzouris were being removed. It was one of the happiest moments in my life and I believe the same is true of him. Now I see how easy it is, once you understand what your responsibility is.
I see from this that if we all ask each other for forgiveness the air will be cleared so completely that Moshiach will come! The Rambam (Maimonides) says, “All the prophets commanded [the people] to repent. Israel will only be redeemed through Teshuva” (Hilchos Teshuva 7:5).
Ma’ase avos siman l’banim… the actions of our Biblical parents are a sign for their children. This season of Counting the Omer is the classic season for repentance. It is certainly clear that we were given the Torah only on condition that we stood before G-d at Mount Sinai “k’ish echad b’lev echad…. Like one man with one heart”.
May we soon see the day when all the Children of Israel ask forgiveness from each other, when the hearts of our Nation become one, because “nafsho keshura b’nafsho” (Genesis 44:30) our souls are all bound together. When we desire to appease one another, to clear the air between us, we will find that it really isn’t so hard after all, and then a new day will dawn, a day of eternal brightness, when mountains of tzouris will crumble and the light of Moshiach will shine forever on a world of eternal simcha!
May we see it soon, this year!
© Copyright 2010 by Roy S. Neuberger
